Modesty for dummies
On the internet, there is a heated debate about the relationship women should have with modesty and how deeply the concept is rooted; unfortunately, this discourse has served little purpose beyond muddying the waters further, especially for reverts. However, studying the fiqh, we can see that modesty wasn’t meant to be complicated nor force women into boxes.
To demonstrate, let’s first consider the meaning of the word haya,
The word has a few different translations:
- Shame
- Dignity
- Shyness
To have haya means to showcase good conduct in every aspect of life, not just to dress modestly in front of men. This principle and the importance for both genders to have haya are shown in the following hadith:
“Abu Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Verily, among the words people obtained from the Prophets are this: If you feel no shame, do as you wish.'”-Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 3483
During the time of the prophet, men were just as concerned with their modesty as women and went to great lengths to avoid compromising their dignity.
But Modesty is so complicated for women
I emphasize with this sentiment, but are the rulings truly complicated, or have we failed to convey the rulings in a digestible way, where Allah’s care within is visible? They aren’t here to cause us undue stress or make us feel confined; rather, they exist to allow us to express ourselves safely.
To start, as we defined haya, we should also define “awrah.” Awrah translates to “nakedness,” and would refer to any part of the body you have to cover up. When it comes to fiqh, it depends on the people you’re around and your overall safety. The purpose of this is to balance, allowing us to be ourselves while maintaining our safety and dignity, showing Allah’s mercy.
With women
With women generally, one only has to cover from navel to knee; in modern conditions, this carries risk, as there are a large number of women who experience attraction to other women. Thus, due to the risk of attraction, we should avoid unnecessary exposure of our chest and shoulders. Additionally, I would encourage you to use discretion when interacting with the non-muslims around us, as while our loved ones often have our best interests at heart, sometimes there is the risk that you could be described in too much detail, risking attraction. If you fear your appearance is outed, you should proceed with a normal hijab.
With family (Muhrams)
With our immediate family, we should cover our back, chest, and navel to the knee, unless unavoidable.
With men whom you can marry (non-Muhrams)
We have to show the utmost caution when around non-mahram, as we are the most likely to experience attraction between one another, which can lead to sin. So with these people, we have to cover everything besides our faces and hands.
Pretty simple, right?
The only other clothing conditions we should be aware of are that our clothing should be opaque, loose, and clean. Like with every other worldly pleasure, I also recommend checking on how they affect you as well. For example, if Chanel is within your means but breeds arrogance within you, it would be better to avoid having it, as arrogance tarnishes our heart like no other. I know you may feel out of place, but dear reader, Allah rewards every struggle we experience immensely:
“The Prophet (ﷺ) said, ‘No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.'”
It is better to feel out of place in this life and be alongside our most beloved companions in the hereafter than it is to compromise for even a second.
What if I need time?
That’s ok too, though there are two warnings I will give to you
We must take active steps.
One of the most important terms in Islam is “Tazkiya,” aka spiritual purification. The base principle of this is to make a consistent effort: recognizing that you’re not ready to fully take the plunge is one thing, but you should take steps to get yourself comfortable with being a hijabi.
What helped me was following creators who wear hijab full-time and observing how they dress. “What did I like?” “What looked bad?” From there, I thrifted clothing that fit those styles.
I also focused on learning more about Islam and adding other practices into my routine. What clicked the most was learning about the female companions, which pushed me towards the niqab.
Remember your influence
As a revert, we often have other people looking up to us; unfortunately, what we wear does have an impact on other people, for better or worse. So while a full hijab may be too intense, there is immense blessing in showing some discretion with what we wear and how it may inspire the people in our lives.
